How to discipline students
Recently, the Ministry of Education has outlined guidelines on how to properly discipline rowdy students in a class. They claim that some teachers spend almost half the period performing class management. The Ministry suggests having a counselor on campus. Now what fun is that? We're talking about students here, people. You want to feed them caviar and truffles too?
Here's a better way to treat them:
#1 A whip with every teacher
Yeah, that's what i'm talking about. It should be a mid-length whip. Strong enough to tear skin, but weak enough to have that wonderful stinging effect. Kids not paying attention in class? Whip em'! Jesus style! Be sure to salt the tips. That'll teach them to shut the hell up.
#2 A nail-gun at every seat
The gun will be hooked up to a deciblemeter. If it reaches a certain level, the gun will fire a rusty nail into the ass of the student. He ain't allowed to move, either, or he'll be shot again.
Everyone knows how boring it tends to get in class. Thus, this feature comes with entertainment! The tetanus shot will be dangled just out of reach of the student. If he wants to live, he'll just have to lean out of his seat to get it. BUT WAIT! He has to keep both ass-cheeks on the chair, or else he'll get shot. In the face. At the end of the lesson, the class can bet who got shot more times: him, or Jenna Jameson.
# A ninja in every class
Yeah. A ninja. All decked out in his ninja-gear, fully equipped with throwing stars and a 7-foot katana. There'll be one in every class. They'll stand quietly in the corner 24/7. Since their ninjas, they won't need water or food or anything. The ninjas will be super still, and hardly anybody will notice them. If even a single noise comes out of one of the litttle punks, the ninja has orders to flip out and decapitate him. Granted, that's murder, but hey, it keeps the class quiet.
My methods are gauranteed to shut the class up, while providing a barrel of laughs.
Here's a better way to treat them:
#1 A whip with every teacher
Yeah, that's what i'm talking about. It should be a mid-length whip. Strong enough to tear skin, but weak enough to have that wonderful stinging effect. Kids not paying attention in class? Whip em'! Jesus style! Be sure to salt the tips. That'll teach them to shut the hell up.
#2 A nail-gun at every seat
The gun will be hooked up to a deciblemeter. If it reaches a certain level, the gun will fire a rusty nail into the ass of the student. He ain't allowed to move, either, or he'll be shot again.
Everyone knows how boring it tends to get in class. Thus, this feature comes with entertainment! The tetanus shot will be dangled just out of reach of the student. If he wants to live, he'll just have to lean out of his seat to get it. BUT WAIT! He has to keep both ass-cheeks on the chair, or else he'll get shot. In the face. At the end of the lesson, the class can bet who got shot more times: him, or Jenna Jameson.
# A ninja in every class
Yeah. A ninja. All decked out in his ninja-gear, fully equipped with throwing stars and a 7-foot katana. There'll be one in every class. They'll stand quietly in the corner 24/7. Since their ninjas, they won't need water or food or anything. The ninjas will be super still, and hardly anybody will notice them. If even a single noise comes out of one of the litttle punks, the ninja has orders to flip out and decapitate him. Granted, that's murder, but hey, it keeps the class quiet.
My methods are gauranteed to shut the class up, while providing a barrel of laughs.
