I've got your miracle diet right here, fatty

Fatkins, schmatkins. Take all your kidney-failing, liver-destroying, bowel-shredding diets and pills and shove it. That's right. Shove it. That is if you can find your anus through your massive ass.

You know what's the best way of losing weight? Excercise and a PROPER diet. The operative word here is "proper". Eliminating one kind of food from your diet can't be good fr you. For your perusal, i've compiled a dandy list of things that have been known to happen to fat people on the Fatkins Diet:

1. Inability to have normal bowel movement
2. significantly more diarrhea
3. general weakness
4. rashes
5. muscle cramps
6. kidney damage (my favourite)
7. an ass-kicking from yours truly

The fatkins diet has been debunked and bombed by so many doctors, it isn't even funny anymore. The question is: If the risks of such a diet are so high, why do people still hang on to it? Answer's simple, folks: The masses are mindless media drones who are so friggin' lazy they'd rather risk permanent damage to their brain than move their ass and excercise.

Modern society makes me sick. At the risk of sounding like the Unabomber, i won't elaborate on that point.

People nowdays want things quick, fast, right now. "Miracle diet that makes me lose weight? Diet pill that blocks carbs? Why not? I can now look like the skinny stick-thin models featured in magazines because true beauty is what appears on this month's cover of Comso. Who cares about the kidney damge?!!?!"

The only reason people pursue this dangerous diet is because a shiny new book came out and a couple of celebrities gave it the thumbs up. Hey, if celebrities approve of it, it can't be wrong. After all, they aren't human. GET A BRAIN, morons. Put down the Cosmo and pick up Medical Journal. The only way to lose weight safely is a good diet and excercise. Anything else is just plain lazy and unhealthy.