Short of cash? Start a religious organization!
(see disclaimer) (see disclaimer) (see disclaimer) (see disclaimer) (see disclaimer) (see disclaimer)
Are you in a slump? Stuck in a rut? Need cash desperately? Why not start a religious organization? It's fast, it's easy, and you'll look good while doing it. Actually, any religious organization will do. We'll just use a religious organization for simplicity's sake. IF YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PUBLIC SPEAKER, STARTING A religious organization IS NOT FOR YOU.
Here' s the up sides of starting a religious organization:
1) You can ask for money without being questioned
2) You can take advantage of people's religious trust in you
3) You can earn a mother-load of money
First of all, and most importantly, you have to register your religious organization. You wouldn't want the police on your ass, would you? Next, start a following. Advertise, reach out to gangs, and other riff-raff. They're always ready to accept religion like a suppository up the ass.
Once you have a nice group of about a hundred people (easily achieved in 6 months), make yourself stand out. Use rock music to attract more people. Use small groups to provide the emotional support people require in religion. Use controversial religious beliefs eg. speaking in tongues, believing will get you rich, etc. Do things, as a religious organization, that are BIG and attention attracting. Make your religious organization exclusive, kind of like a club, but not so extreme. Victimize your religious organization to no end. All of the above tactics give the followers a sense of belonging to the religious organization. If makes them feel special and loved. The small groups are crucial to this.
When everyone is like one big happy family, and hanging on to your every word, ask for money. However, do not be too blatant. You have to spend money to make money. Build a new building. The bigger, the better. Make it the most techonologically advanced religious organization building ever built. Make it stand out. Once again, this achieves a sense of belonging for the followers. Don't worry about the fact that you actually could be using this money to help starving kids in Ethiopia, or send free bibles to Egypt. The followers will not question you at this point.
After the new building is completed, claim that it is a gift from above. Make no reference to the fact that it paid for by the followers. After these steps, they're minds are in your hands. Just ask for money, and they won't even flinch. Remember to use religion when extorting cash.
This is the most important part: There is a fine line between a church and a cult. Remember that. The closer you walk to the line, the more money you will earn. However, the risks increase too. Use your discretion.
I plan to start a religious organization with this person.
*a certain word was replaced with religious organization. It was to protect my ass. THIS IS FOR HUMOUR PURPOSES ONLY. THEY DO NOT REFLECT MY OWN VIEWS. I too, belong to a religious organization.
Are you in a slump? Stuck in a rut? Need cash desperately? Why not start a religious organization? It's fast, it's easy, and you'll look good while doing it. Actually, any religious organization will do. We'll just use a religious organization for simplicity's sake. IF YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PUBLIC SPEAKER, STARTING A religious organization IS NOT FOR YOU.
Here' s the up sides of starting a religious organization:
1) You can ask for money without being questioned
2) You can take advantage of people's religious trust in you
3) You can earn a mother-load of money
First of all, and most importantly, you have to register your religious organization. You wouldn't want the police on your ass, would you? Next, start a following. Advertise, reach out to gangs, and other riff-raff. They're always ready to accept religion like a suppository up the ass.
Once you have a nice group of about a hundred people (easily achieved in 6 months), make yourself stand out. Use rock music to attract more people. Use small groups to provide the emotional support people require in religion. Use controversial religious beliefs eg. speaking in tongues, believing will get you rich, etc. Do things, as a religious organization, that are BIG and attention attracting. Make your religious organization exclusive, kind of like a club, but not so extreme. Victimize your religious organization to no end. All of the above tactics give the followers a sense of belonging to the religious organization. If makes them feel special and loved. The small groups are crucial to this.
When everyone is like one big happy family, and hanging on to your every word, ask for money. However, do not be too blatant. You have to spend money to make money. Build a new building. The bigger, the better. Make it the most techonologically advanced religious organization building ever built. Make it stand out. Once again, this achieves a sense of belonging for the followers. Don't worry about the fact that you actually could be using this money to help starving kids in Ethiopia, or send free bibles to Egypt. The followers will not question you at this point.
After the new building is completed, claim that it is a gift from above. Make no reference to the fact that it paid for by the followers. After these steps, they're minds are in your hands. Just ask for money, and they won't even flinch. Remember to use religion when extorting cash.
This is the most important part: There is a fine line between a church and a cult. Remember that. The closer you walk to the line, the more money you will earn. However, the risks increase too. Use your discretion.
I plan to start a religious organization with this person.
*a certain word was replaced with religious organization. It was to protect my ass. THIS IS FOR HUMOUR PURPOSES ONLY. THEY DO NOT REFLECT MY OWN VIEWS. I too, belong to a religious organization.
