You are a lonely 5-year-old stuck between Neverland and a Church! Can you find your way out without bumping into Wacko-Jacko or Father Touch-alot?

Happy Halloween!

A friend of mine posted something somewhat controversiall on his blog. The post didn't put Malaysians is very good light, and it riled up a few feathers. I've taken a look at the post, and i must say it makes sense, albeit the odd exaggeration. What annoyed me was that a couple of people took the post very personally, even though it was just an opinion. Hopefully, the following will mellow you out a little.

1)They are traditional. They still live in Kampongs.
Granted, that's a little exaggerated. But i think the point here is that most Malaysians do not live in urban areas, and the majority lives in small towns. According to an atlas, this isn't unfounded. 50.6% of the Malaysian population lives in urban areas. That's only about half. The other half would be "living in a Kampong" so to speak.

2)They are fast and effective. You only have to wait half an hour for the burger you ordered at Macdonalds.
This may not be true in Malaysia, but from what the author of the blog perceives, alot of Malaysians work in low-level jobs, and that's the point that the statement tries to make, sarcastically. It's not a lie when we say that alot of Malaysians come to Singapore to work. It's also true that alot of them come to work in blue-collar jobs, evident in the massive amounts of vehicles passing through the causeway at around 5-7 pm. The statement made was not totally true, nor was it a lie. It was just based on the author's observations about Malaysians in Singapore.

3)They keep their promises. Contracts on the sales of water are a different thing.
This one i had to nod in agreement. Singapore has been nothing but accommodating when it came to the water issue, but Malaysia kept changing their mind. The bottom line here is that Malaysia broke the contract, which is true. Nothing to get hot and bothered about here.

4)They have rich culture. That is the only thing they are rich in.
The point this statement is trying to make is that Malaysians are poor. Since wealth is more or less relative, i'll let the statistics decide.
Ave. GDP per cap (Malaysia): US$10,700
Ave. GDP per cap (Singapore): US$22,366

The rest of the author's points are OPINION, and opinion alone. Comments like these puzzled me:

OH MY GOD can I please kill this guy? WTF? God he makes my pahala puasa sudah kurang *sobs*

Huh, I'm not even going to BOTHER commenting on that blog. For one, a person who's so self centered is not even worth my time to cuss at, much less to dwell upon.

Why get all nasty over someone's opinion? Don't we have the right to comment on anything anymore? Call the police, because i think someone stole your sense of humour. If the things he said were so far from the truth, i don't understand why everyone is so angry over it.

Getting angry over someone's opinion is one things, but when you start spurting vulgarities and uncalled for comments, it just reflects badly on you, and your country. Case and point would be grandmastertrucker.
I was frankly amazed at the amount of crude things that flew out of him. He read the post, and just typed out the first thing that came to mind; no control of emotion what so-ever. If he had just thought it through, he would have just shook his head, felt sorry for the author, and left. Maybe he even would realize that the likelihood of a Russian-Singapore is slimmer than Paris Hilton. By shooting his mouth off, he just proved the author's point.

I know for a fact that not all Malaysians are like grandmastertrucker, most are more rational. I ask all readers of dissident1.blogspot.com's blog to take his opinions with a pinch of salt. They are, after all, opinions.
Besides, he's just a kid.

While channel surfing for porn, i came across Sesame Street. There was some kind of purple magician like muppet, who was no doubt blind, due to the lack of eyes. He was about to perform a magic trick, when he cried out "Allah peanut buter and sandwiches!"

I nearly threw a 5-year-old out the window. Allah? Doesn't that mean he's linked with Al-Qaeda?!
holy shit, notify the CIA, we'll bomb him on the pretense of him being a terrorist. We can be red-faced later when new evidence shows that he has nothing to do with Al-Qaeda, and that he was just trying to entertain kids between the ages of 2-6. We'll still detain him indefinitely, though.

We'll find the real terrorist a day before election.

#1 Cathy
She's fat, she's single, and she's as funny as a lobotomy.
Every strip features her thinking/talking to herself, with her eyes rolled and giant drops of sweat flying away from her. It's the same thing every day. Newsflash, chunky: NO ONE CARES.

#2 Peanuts
I thought the horrible strip ended when it's author bit the big one. I was wrong. Charles continues to huant newspaper funnies from beyond the grave with his bland, uninteresting humour. What the hell is so funny about a tiny bird playing the piano? Someone please end the pain.

I live next to Satan; Satan with saggy boobs and a non-functioning uterus, i suspect.

Allow me to explain. Ever since the contruction of my house, the bitch living behind me has not stopped complaining. And she complains about the most trivial things. I guess she need something to do when she's not feeding her six million cats.

Complaint #1:Piling and drilling too noisy
No shit, sherlock. That kinda happens when one builds a house. When she first complained, we decided to be considerate, and switch to quiter methods of drilling and piling. Apparently, that still riled up the spiders living in her hair. It was practically whisper quiet, but she still kept flappping her gums.

Complaint #2: Wall to high, drying clothes get no sun
Someone get this witch a compass. Her house faces south, meaning that the sun only shows up on the sides of her haunted manor. Since my house faces north, the backs of our houses are opposite each other, separated by a wall. She kept bitching about the height of the wall, and how her clothes wouldn't get sun. I felt like breaking her hip.

Complaint #3: Paint on MY house discoloured, her businness
The paint on the wall facing the back of her house has began to discolour a little. The beyotch takes it upon herself to annoy us nonstop about it. Is it any of her goddamned businness anyway? So what if the paint doesn't look brand spanking new? Her house looks like it's been there since the Wright Brothers' first flight, and probably has been, but do you see us complaining? Nooooo.

I want nothing more than to throw her ass into a boiling sea of lava.
I have to go. That bitch's house isn't going to set fire to itself.

And i'm not afraid to admit it. I'm sure there are many more people out there who feel uncomfortable when meeting someone who is either intellectually or physically disabled, no matter how small the degree. I'm not afraid to admit it though. We're hard-wired to recoil in disgust against things that are genetically imperfect, be it a disability, or just plain ugliness. Who hasn't shuddered at the thought of a naked 300-pound woman?

It takes practice and patience to get over this instinctive feeling. I'm not proud of the fact that that reatards freak me out. But i'm determined to change that. I'll start by not referring to them as retards.

I turned the TV on yesterday, in the hopes of finding porn, but was treated to a glimpse of a genius. This guy is a god. I saw an ad for his investment seminar, devilishly cleverly titled "Investment solutions for uncertain times". The genius reared it's head towards the end of the ad. In big,blod, red lettering, where the words "PRICE: $75". I nearly shit my pants at the sheer genius.

Why not play on people's skittishness and fear during this "uncertain time" by dishing out investment "advice" that a donut could probably figure out on its own, or by calling your broker, which is, by the way, FREE!

Here's a clever investment secret for ya, for no charge at all:
Step 1: Start a seminar charging assholes $75 to listen to you spout common sense investment advice that can be found in the "Money" section of your newspaper.
It's that easy.

Who are the people who attend such seminars? Pseudo-investment "gurus" who probably don't even know their equity from their blue chips. They must have closed the track that day, thus the massive turnout. Either that, or it was a collective day-off for truck drivers.

The best part of this horribly clever scheme is that it plays on people's residual fears from a couple of years ago. And if you think about it, it doesn't really make any sense at all. "Uncertain times" What uncertain times? Didn't they just say that the projected growth rate for the market this fiscal year is about 3.8%? I'm no economist, but if people aren't hanging themselves outside the stock exchange office, it isn't an "uncertain time".

The best thing about these seminars is, the people who attend them won't even remember what the door gift was a week after. They go in, listen for 6 hour, say "Hmm....that makes sense.", fart, and leave.

The only person benefitting from this seminar is the speaker himself! He just made a shit load of money from dumbass assholes like you!

I have never wanted to kill anybody so badly before in my life, and i bet alot of you out there want to kill him/her too. I want to painfully disembowel the inventor of those damned roller shoes kids wear these days. That man has probably indirectly annoyed countless people with his shit-ass invention.

Every where i go, screaming, sticky kids roll around on those wretched "shoes" of theirs, crashing into anything and everyone. I don't mind if they slam right smack in a wall, but when they collide with somebody, then just roll away without the slightest form of apology, it makes my blood boil.

I was walking through Toys R' Us a month ago (i was passing through. I wasn't looking at the toys. *nervous glancing*), minding my own business, when a snot-nosed 5-year-old came out of no where and rolled right into me. He came to an immediate stop. I was startled, and instictively stuck out my hand. His head happened to be at hand level, and my palm met with his forehead. With a loud thud, his ass met the floor. I felt strangely satisfied, like i just killed the inventor of the roller shoes.

The first question that would come to mind is "What kind of parent would buy this safety hazard for their child?" You might as well strap rockets to their ankles, because that's sure as hell safer than the "shoes". Wheels belong on the soles shoes as much as toasters belong in bathtubs. They're an accident waiting to happen.

Aside from the safety concerns, the most important reason these shoes belong in hell is because THEY ANNOY THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF PEOPLE. When you step in a mall, all you want to do is blow some money on something you don't need without being assaulted by the roller kids. They're like a biker bang, but smaller. Not to mention the screaming! MY GOD! The screaming!!!

So how i should i exact my revenge on the person who brought this misery to everyone? Well, first, i'll buy a pair of his shoes. Then, i'll knock on his door, then drop-kick him in the chin when he opens it. The roller on the heel should make it sting. I will then proceed to scream in his ear, with stomping on his spine. Perhaps i could get a bunch of 5-year-olds to help me....

I have a cell phone. I've had cell phones since 2000. For every phone I receive, i always set the ring tone to the traditional "ring ring". None of that fancy epilepsy inducing musical ones that EVERYONE has. Apparently, that doesn't sit well with some. This happened a week ago:
My phone goes ring ring.
My friend on the bus looks at me and goes "You STILL have that ring tone? Can you be more unique"?

I wanted to punch her in the ovaries. How the hell does having a musical ringtone make you unique? Everyone in the country has one. True uniqueness would be a ringtone that no one has, correct? And wouldn't that me mine? But noooo.......The mindless media drone with zero opinions and no personality outside what the media tells her thinks that unique is what people try to sell you.

You can easily spot these media soldiers by what they bring with them. They are mostly female. I wonder why. Anyway, they usually have these with them:

1) Badges and trinkets squeezed into every square inch of her book bag.
These people have so much crap hanging on their bag they look like a frickin' Christmas tree. You know where they get crap like that? The Heeren, ladies and gentlemen. Where riff-raff hang out. Badges with "clever" saying such as "Watch out for the idiot behind me" tickles these people to no end, and they blow 4 dollars on it. Talk about zero self control.

2) Dangly things on their cell phones
I think things that hang really intrigue these type of people. The swaying movement must be mesmerizing or something. You know what they say.....simple things....simple minds.

3) They are usually teenage girls
Must be the hormones.

Media drones crave to discover themselves, and to establish an identity in the midst of the uniformity that is out society. Sadly, they've grown up with the TV glued to their ugly faces, and when the crucial period of adolescence dawns, they just follow whatever they see on the TV. No matter that Britney Spears is a slut, MTV tells me that she's cool, so i'll just dress like her and act like her to be cool. A scourge is upon our youth, and something has to be done to stop it.

Media drones fail to realize that the TV is telling everyone the goddamned same thing, and by trying to be different, they are in reality, just being like anyone else.

Want to have a mind of your own? Then don't be afraid to try things no one has. Never conform. The first step is changing your goddamned ringtone, before i throw a 5-year-old off the 4th floor.

Make your c*ck a hammer!

Everyone has met people like that. These are the people who are so ugly, they stuck their head out the window and was fined for indecent exposure. I'm fine with ugly people if they cover up, but there're always the few who want to flaunt it.
Just the other day, i was unfortunate enough to stumble upon a fat fugly woman who had stuffed herself down a tube top. I wanted to dig my eyes out with a spoon. She had more rolls than a bakery, and all of them were oozing out of every seem like maggots out of a corpse. The top looked as if it was gonna blow. I instinctively tried to look for cover.
But that was just her top. Below her montrous belly, protruded two fatty pillars that i guess could pass for legs. Like the rest of her body, it was squeezed through a pair of hot pants. Yes, hot pants. I can hear the collective shudder of everyone reading this already. The horrible "leg" ended in cankles as it merged with the foot. I pity the shoes.
Why do people do this? Do they find it satisfying making people lose their lunch? Where is their goddamned modesty? For a lack of a better term, "waddles" was visually raping me. Granted, that you have freedom of expression, but please, for the love of everthing holy, spare a thought for others. We are the ones that have to view your disgusting body.
I could look away, but every where i turned, her murderous laugh assaulted my ears. It sounded like a baby being eaten alive.
This woman was both annoying and ugly. After she and i parted ways, i promptly threw up on a five-year old. Whoops.

(see disclaimer) (see disclaimer) (see disclaimer) (see disclaimer) (see disclaimer) (see disclaimer)
Are you in a slump? Stuck in a rut? Need cash desperately? Why not start a religious organization? It's fast, it's easy, and you'll look good while doing it. Actually, any religious organization will do. We'll just use a religious organization for simplicity's sake. IF YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PUBLIC SPEAKER, STARTING A religious organization IS NOT FOR YOU.
Here' s the up sides of starting a religious organization:
1) You can ask for money without being questioned
2) You can take advantage of people's religious trust in you
3) You can earn a mother-load of money

First of all, and most importantly, you have to register your religious organization. You wouldn't want the police on your ass, would you? Next, start a following. Advertise, reach out to gangs, and other riff-raff. They're always ready to accept religion like a suppository up the ass.

Once you have a nice group of about a hundred people (easily achieved in 6 months), make yourself stand out. Use rock music to attract more people. Use small groups to provide the emotional support people require in religion. Use controversial religious beliefs eg. speaking in tongues, believing will get you rich, etc. Do things, as a religious organization, that are BIG and attention attracting. Make your religious organization exclusive, kind of like a club, but not so extreme. Victimize your religious organization to no end. All of the above tactics give the followers a sense of belonging to the religious organization. If makes them feel special and loved. The small groups are crucial to this.

When everyone is like one big happy family, and hanging on to your every word, ask for money. However, do not be too blatant. You have to spend money to make money. Build a new building. The bigger, the better. Make it the most techonologically advanced religious organization building ever built. Make it stand out. Once again, this achieves a sense of belonging for the followers. Don't worry about the fact that you actually could be using this money to help starving kids in Ethiopia, or send free bibles to Egypt. The followers will not question you at this point.

After the new building is completed, claim that it is a gift from above. Make no reference to the fact that it paid for by the followers. After these steps, they're minds are in your hands. Just ask for money, and they won't even flinch. Remember to use religion when extorting cash.

This is the most important part: There is a fine line between a church and a cult. Remember that. The closer you walk to the line, the more money you will earn. However, the risks increase too. Use your discretion.

I plan to start a religious organization with this person.

*a certain word was replaced with religious organization. It was to protect my ass. THIS IS FOR HUMOUR PURPOSES ONLY. THEY DO NOT REFLECT MY OWN VIEWS. I too, belong to a religious organization.

Are television show editors brain-dead? Do they take us for goddamned fools? Do they think that we won't notice it's the same footage played over and over again, but because it's inverted?
Here's what i'm talking about. The shitty producer didn't get enough footage of......let's say....... a certain waterfall. When the show is pieced together by the editor, the editor find out that there isn't enough footage for said waterfall. What the hell does he do? Well, instead of firing the freakin' producer, her inverts the image and plays it over and over again.

Here's what he's thinking "Tee hee hee. I'm so smart. The viewers won't notice the footage is the same as before, but it's just inverted because the viewers have the visual and spatial reasoning skills of an onion. Tee hee hhee".

A very good example would the be crap shit documentary "The future is wild" on Discovery Channel. I think their animator died halfway through the project, because the same footage is repeated EVERY 5 SECONDS, but just inverted. Viewers had to be comatose not to notice. I got so frustrated, i threw the TV out the window, and it landed on a 5-year-old. Whoops.

My previous story was very well received. I had dozens of emails from people saying that they have converted to Atheism and learned the way of the Ninja. They have also said Jesus Christ rocks. I am confused. Anyway, this is a new story. With bigger and better plotlines. Complete with giant robots too. Watch out! It kicks ass.

Jesus walked up to me and said "I need your help to kick Satan's ass. You are a kick-ass ninja who is undoubtedly more powerful than i. So will you help me?"
"I don't know. Hell is a little too toasty for me." I muttered, as i rolled over the giant pile of cash and hordes of naked super-models i was sleeping on.
"You get a free pass to heeeeaven!", said Jesus. He flashed his holy smile. How could i resist.
So we spent 89 days and 89 nights to travel to the bowels of hell. Nothing much happened. There was no giant robots, naked women, or old people being yelled at. Therefore, i shall skip that part.
Anyway, on day 90, Jesus and i made it to the deepest level of hell. We stood in front of a giant flaming throne. Oddley enough, it was a blue plush swivel chair. Not unlike the ones found in Microsoft. The sitter of the chair was facing away from us. His horrible face was hidden from view. I gripped my freakin' cool 6 foot katana. I was ready for some Lucifer ass kicking.
Jesus then said some shit about some boring stuff. I wasn't listening. His cabbage smell was over powering.
The chair slowly swiveled around. It was terrible. I couldn't believe my eyes. The colours were too bright. They seemed to burn my retinas as i gazed upon his terrifying visage. He reminded of Jesus, somewhat. Maybe it was the teeth. But what i saw was still too disturbing to describe.
I saw Barney.
The purple dinosaur all the kids loved was Satan. The devil incarnate himself hheld the hearts of kids aged 2-6 in his...claws. I would have expected Rev Kong Hee, but Barney? It made me want to kick his ass even more. Where was it, anyway?
"Way-hey kids!...uh i mean ....Damn you Jesus! Damn you and your incredibly good looking kick-ass ninja friend!" Barney looked pissed. His plastic eyes was awake with rage and fire. He looked as if his big gay hand bag of tricks went missing.
"Now, Jesus, taste the wrath of my giant anime-like robot! Ha-ha!" With that, the purple dinosaur whipped out a box and threw it in front of us.
The bix uttered a sound that made my bones chill. I'm not afraid of anythin, but this box had me worried.
"Eh-oh". it went. Then it expanded like a giant russian doll. It grew to four stories tall, to reveal the a giant tele-tubby. Jesus screamed like a little girl. I could understand. Teletubbies are weird.
"You go for Satan. I'll take the happy-sunshine robot". I commanded. Jesus nodded, and whipped out his ray gun, as he jumped into the sky to meet Lucifer himself.
With lightning quick speed, i hopped around the teletubby giant robot, taking quick slashes at its plush extrior. I was a like a rabbit on ketemine, i tell ya.
Despite my mega ninja skills, the robot wouldn't relent. Amazing rays of happy kept shooting out of the aerial that stuck out of its demonic head. I bound into the sky, and with a quick swoosh, hewed the ungodly thing off its head. The robot-demon let out a monstrous cry. It sounded like a thousand babies being thrown into lava. From the stump of it's aerial, the souls of the dead pourd out. The ghostly image of Richard Nixon disappeared into oblivion.
Play time was over. There was no "again-again" this frickin' time.
I flipped out. The usual ninja way, and just went postal on the robot. With flashes of steel, the thing fell into pieces, exposing what god had kept hidden.
I didn't break a sweat. I looked over at Jesus. He stood triumphantly over the deapitated head of Satan. Hey! That's not Satan! It was a Barney suit. Satan has some kind of plush suit fetish. *shudder*
Anyway, after the entire ordeal, Satan, Jesus and I had coffee and a biscoti at a nearby Starbucks. Yes, they have a Starbucks in Hell. Ain't life great?

Are your parents hounding you till no end? Are they nagging at you for not doing something? ARe they scolding you for not doing you homework? Did they ground you for not doing well in a test?
Well here's a great solution so that they will get of your back. Just utter these magic words:
"Dad/mom, please be nice to me. I'm the one choosing your retirement home"

I tried this a week ago, and my parents have been waiting on me hand and foot. You should have seen their faces after i said it. I guarentee this phrase will work. Every parents' nightmare is to bee chucked into some dank and dark old folks' home, where they will wear diapers and eat soggy food. Play on their greatest fear, and you'll have the best parents ever.

If you don't like the above idea. Shut up and stop whining about your parents.

This is a kick-ass story you won't get anywhere else. I'm a master story teller. So here goes:

The sun was high in the sky. Frankly, i felt very pissed that Jesus had thrown a stone at me. He'd taken "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" a little too far.
What else could i do? Me, being a kick-ass ninja guy, whipped out my 6 foot long katana and said to the Nazerene "Let's tango."
He seemed pretty happy with the idea. With a powerful leap, he bound into the sky. Shit, i thought, as i saw a long silver gleam emerge from his perforated hand. Jesus had a katana too.
With a tunderous clank, Yeshua landed mere feet from me, and delivered a power thrust with his Japanese blade. How in hell did Jesus get a Japanese swordin Jerusalem? Never mind that. He's Jesus.
Anway, with a lightning quick parry, i dodged his holy blow with agility. However, He was faster than i thought he was. As i slid to His side in hopes of harvesting his kidney, Jesus socked me in the face with his massive fist.
"Believe in me!" he shouted, "Don't make me recite John 3:16 again!"
"NEVER!"I yelled. He would have to kill first.
With lightning fast speed, sword clang and clanks rang out through the holy city of Jerusalem. People around us were laying down their bets. The odds were 19902747361029 to 1, in favour of Jesus. Damn.
It was noon when we started our joust, and before i knew it, the sun had already began to set. I was perspiring more than George Bush during the debates, and ol' JC hadn't even broken a sweat. In fact, he was sipping tea many a time during our battle.
The battle had to end. And i had to be the one to end it. I held the blade high above my head, preparing for a Japanese-pokemon-nintendo death-blow. Cold hard steel swung down, but Jesus paralled his sword with the ground and blocked my blow. A cold rattling of steel filled the air, and my katana shattered in pieces. I have to get the number of his black-smith.
Jesus pointed his sword at my throat, as i lay cowering below his feet. On hindsight, i had no idea why i was cowering. He's Jesus, he couldn't kill me. In theory.
"You can't kill me! In theory..." I muttered.
"Thou art correct. " And he raised his sword. He lent me a hand, and even helped me up. He's not such a bad guy after all.
We ended up having coffee at the closest cafe. I still don't believe he was the messiah, but we're still good friends.
He also smells faintly of cabbage.

First of all, i think i'm treading on thin ice by posting this, so (SEE DISCLAIMER)
(SEE DISCLAIMER)(SEE DISCLAIMER)(SEE DISCLAIMER)(SEE DISCLAIMER)

Well, with that out of the way:
Is the PSB still around? What the hell? Hasn't it fallen into disarray already or something? The PSB is for whiney little cry babies to cry foul over something that pissed them of. I need not mention the regular contributors, who make my life a living hell with their verbal diarrhoea. Every month or so, just like a woman's menstrual cycle, these horrible human beings stroke themselves off over the PSB, whilst basking in their own amazingly huge ego. Makes me sick.
But the star of everything has to Huggy-Bear*. It may not show, but he believes the world revolves around him, and that his opinions are universally correct and accepted. If you disagree, he'll patronize you in his condescending voice, then make an cold joke.
Despite it being a complete waste of space, the Union still prizes itself on it's existance, neglecting the fact that NO good has come of it. NOTHING has come of it, in fact, but that doesn't stop the Gratuitous Club.

(see disclaimer)
In the previous post, i detailed my plans for the human race when i rule the world. One of the ideas involved the systemic elimination of 4/5 of the human population. "Holy shit!", you might say, "O' Great Leader, how do you intend to do that?!?!"
Excellent question.

*The following has been deleted by the Government of the Republic of Singapore*

It was my misfortune of catching the trailer for Singapore Idol. I nearly shit my pants in disbelief when one of the judges said "Please vote. This is a serious situation", or something to that effect. I couldn't cut through his fako accent. Anyway, as the confusion cleared, i started to think "How the hell is this a serious situation? It's a freaking popularity contest, you media lemming, they make money whether you vote or not." Hw was making a mockery of the word "serious". Do you know what's serious? Government elections; Oil prices; my plans to rule the world, those are "serious", Singapore Idol is not.
So what if one of the good singers were kicked out? Oh, boo-freakin'-hoo. More publicity for the show then. If it was truly about "talent", they would have brought what's-her-face back, and kicked out that annoying ass-hat Jerry, who by the way, looks like he just got explored by a proctologist.
Singapore Idol is not the world, idiots. It's a clever ploy to generate massive amounts of revenue while churning out a Kleenex pop-star with a ready-to-exploit fan base. Why can't you see through the evil? WHY?!
From now on, by official decree by me, thy God, ye shalt boycott Singapore Idol.

*see disclaimer*
And a few other things.
1) Eugenics
2) Gene Therapy/Engineering
3) Telepathic ability amongst humans

The above should be completed in that order, when i rule the world.
For the clueless, Eugenics is kinda like what Hitler did. But when i rule world, i will do it a little more systematically. One fell swoop is all it will take. No leftovers, please.
I will now attempt to discuss the advantages of Eugenics: undesirable traits will be eliminated. Violence, hate, depression, physical weakness, mental weakness, stupidity, linearity...People who harbor such traits will have to go. Please note i am not targeting any certain races. Eliminating an entire group of people is short-sighted and stupid. That means you, Hitler. Anyway, extensive testing will be carried out on the world's population. By the time i rule the world, the human population will probably be around 10 billion. I plan to decrease this number to a humble 2 billion. The rest of the population will have to realize that for the good of the human race, they need to make a sacrifice. Only the best of the best, the elite of the humans, shall carry on the human race. All kinds of traits are more or less passed on in the genes, however, the children of the 2billion will still be screened, and the eugenics will still be carried out after the Great Purge.

Will now discuss the importance of gene therapy/engineering. The human race is imperfect. Genes are imperfect. By performing gene therapy on the living 2billion, and genetic engineering(GE) on future generations, we can ensure a pure breed of only the best in our world.

I will now discuss the importance of telepathic ability between humans. This is probably a long shot, but the rewards will be great. Look at the world now. It's full of misunderstanding between humans. Conflicts and wars are fought just because someone misunderstood what somebody else said. Out linguistic system is flawed. And the ability to empathize and sympathize (abilities naturally granted with telepathy), will ensure humans will fully understand each other, and to see where each one is coming from. And negotiations will be a lot easier.

I will iron out the details in the next post. When i rule the world, it will be a much better place. But please keep this in mind: sacrifices have to be made.
For a new world order.

Oops. The above title should read "Holy shit, Jewemy".

Anyway, Jon Kee the snivelling little nark sent my blog to Jewemy. He scrolled down and probably saw the post i posted about him. You'd think that innocent little boy would run away crying, after seeing the word "masturbate". Apparantly not. He's braver than i thought. Perhaps it's time to install some porn to chase away pussies. And non of that soft-core crap. A good shock picture would include animals. Kinda like goatse.cx
Anyway, he might have been abit pissed when i called his pastor evil. He said to me today "I'm not your little Christian friend. I'm taller than you". He might have been angry, i don't know. I couldn't tell with his smile.

There's one particular person in class who LOVES to do this. LOVES to. You know who i'm talking about....

Article here

UPDATE
take a gander at this:

Personally I feel that the school system have been tweaked into such a way that most students feel that grades are quite an important thing. Therefore, some are willing to sacrifice their social life for grades itself, and I believe that those who endorsed this are such people, and why don they study at home? Precisely because of a lack of condusive environment. Is, The School, going to send students home, against their wishes to study, in fact even asking the students to stop studying just for the sake of safety? To kill the spark of interest students have in studying? Furthermore, I understand the protocol of going through the Students Union and Lower House, however, would it really be of any use. Sure, after a few yrs, something may come out of it. However, our exams are in a few days time and I believe that this is such a time when intensive revision in a condusive environment is the most important factor. Therefore, I would like to state that while going through normal protocol would be good, due to the lack of time, a more precise and immediate action have to be taken.
Guess who?

It was my misfortune of browsing through some blogs. The American blogs were fine. The Indian blogs were fine. The Kuwaiti blogs were fine. The Malaysian blogs were fine too.
What made my blood boil was the SINGAPOREAN blogs. OH MY GOD. Here's a cruel sampling:

ahax...happi a bit 2dae cause MT exam over le :p...e paper okie lahx...sum difficult...HE stressin me lehx...fin so fast...both e compo n paper...hahax...jus now after sch saw those BITCHES @ e bus-stop...cant stand them...sum okie lahx sum really irritatin lorx...TW ish 1 of them...c boyz onli scream lyke end of e world lyke tat...a bus came but den alot of ppl so we skip unfortunately, THEY aso skip e bus...!@#$%^&*....haiz...den they lyke tokin bout us lorx...its damn obvious...also those malay ppl frm NT came n keep beatin e metal thin...we leanin on it lorx...pa jiao lahx...wan 2 scream @ them n throw them into e rubbish bin since they so close 2 it...heheh...den HE n his buddies came...den got 293 so BITCHES went over n HE too...sigh...den ganma n bla bla bla came...mummy ish supposed 2 cum with them 1...but got tuition...haiz...poor thin...aniwaes back 2 e topic...after they left i was damn irritated liao...den blablabla came which make me wan 2 kill ppl liao...hahax...

What the hell was THAT?!?!? I read through it half-way and fell into a coma. Is this what our country is producing? If a world-class education system yields this, i'm moving to Cambodia. How long does it take to spell "to"? Do you have to use 2?!??! OH my god..
And another thing: the blogs are so...empty. Here's what they have in common:
1) Singapore Idol
2) How hard the science paper was
3) What somebody did to somebody
That's all they talk about. Other blogs are different. I've seen blogs from other countries with subject matter ranging from the election, to the Mount St Helens eruption. But the Singaporean bloggers probably don't even know their Yusof Islams from their Osama bin Ladens.
*breeeeethe.......breeeeeeeeathe......*

gives me nothing but pleasure to see these people suffer.
http://wistful-thinking.blogspot.com/

Name: Josephine
Age: 14
D.O.B.: 21. September 1990
Gender: F
School: Anglican High
Class: 1H
C.C.A.: Table Tennis
Likes: laughter, friends, peace, reading, music, talking, debating/arguing
Dislikes: hypocrites, my class, backstabbers, cowards, fights, quarrels

Okay, maybe not suffer. I still have abit of soul left in me. I would LOVE to chuck this girl into Iraq or Ethiopia or even Myanmar just so i can see her realize that life isn't all My-Little-Pony and rainbow kittens. I would LOVE for her to see the little Iraqi boy who's parents have been killed, and now he has to be a prositute just so he can eat. I'd love for her to see the thousands of people who have had their legs blown off because of mines.
Who the hell likes "laughter, friends, peace, reading, music, talking, debating/arguing "?
I can understand the last part. Who doesn't love a little bout or two, but laughter and peace? What the hell? She's an after-school special, i tell ya.
Just LOOOOOK at the blogs she has linked. OH MY GOD!! I want to VOMIT!
Kids these days, they're so lucky and they have no idea. Makes me sick. And for god's sake! USE PROPER ENGLISH! AT LEAST MAKE AN EFFORT TO SPELL!!!!

I study witha bunch of clowns. Clowns. Goddamned clowns.
Here's a breakdown of what kind of idiocy i have to tolerate (the number is parenthesis are the number of people):
1) The "i-think-i'm-hilarious" kind (3)
2) the "amoeba-stupid" kind (3)
3) the "two-faced" kind (2)
4) the goddamned annoying kind (10)

Ok, i won't/can't/shouldn't mentions their names, so i won't. For personal safety reasons, mostly.
1) I CANNOT STAND THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE. I used to be positioned next to one, and my god, my IQ has fallen beacuse of it. These people think that they are the clowns of the world, that the world would fall apart if they didn't make some stupid lame joke that makes your skin crawl. Unfortunate but crucial example: "Wow. That hole looks like Mr Ho" "Hahaha. Mr Hole"
And then they laugh and laugh and laugh their asses off like it was a super funny. These people love attention. They need it, they crave it. They make these lame jokes everytime so that they can be accepted into a conversation. They then force people to fake laugh with them. GRRRRR

2)This kind of people are gems. Utter gems. They are so goddamned stupid, it's amazing how they are able to hobble their way from the boarding house, operate the front door, navigate their way to school, they plop their fat bambang ass on the chair. I wish they would go away!

3) These people make me feel like throwing a chair through the window. they only perdorm favours just so they can get something back in return, provided that they are ina good mood in the first place.

4)These people just rub you the wrong way. Examples are rambling on and on about how he loves to play mahjong, or how much better the weather was in hong-kong land or whatever. They he spurts some kind of little-known proverb, thinking that it would make people think he is smarter than he really is. Or the kind who shouts at the top of his lungs for no particular reason. Thankfully, the latter is gone.


Once you spend an entire day with the above-mentioned people, it's hard not to want to bludgeon your head against a brick-wall.

Jeremy said that to me. Yes, Jeremy. My naive, little Christian friend, no doubt indoctrinated by the devil incarnate himself, Rev Kong Hee


Gaze upon the face of evil!!(see disclaimer)



Jewemy: Marilyn Manson is a cult
*Side note: His exact words. How the hell can a person be a cult?"
Me: No, he's not!
Anway, Jeremy sez to me, he sez "Do you know about the Columbine High School shooting?"
Me: yes
Jewemy (sic):Did you know that the killers listened to Marilyn Manson?"
me: yes
Jewemy: That means they area cult. Before they started killing people, them shouted marilyn manson lyrics

I felt like slapping that cute boy silly.
1) Just because someone listens to a Marilyn Manson, then goes and kills people, does not mean that the music had anything to do witht the murder. If a murderer listened to Elton John, and started to kill people, does that mean that Elton John encourages people to kill? The church would say yes, seeing as to how he is gay and all. You know the church, always willing to victmise things that make them uncomfortable. (see disclaimer)
2) First person accounts of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's friends revealed that they DID NOT listen to Manson, and in fact, they sorta didn't like him.

Number 2) brings me to a new point: The willingness of Christians (or other religious zealots), to accept anything their "leader" says, without any backing of evidence. Damn, they tick me off.'
I'll leave you with this from Manson:

"MANSON SAYS THAT HE WILL "BALANCE MY SONGS WITH A WHOLESOME BIBLE READING," AND HOPES THAT THIS WILL PROMPT FANS TO "EXAMINE THE VIRTUES OF WONDERFUL 'CHRISTIAN' STORIES OF DISEASE, MURDER, ADULTERY, SUICIDE AND CHILD SACRIFICE..."

Complex questions, simple answers #1
I got this from the ST:

My child cries, refuses to go to pre-school

ABOUT a month ago, my five-year-old son who is in Kindergarten 1 started to refuse to go to school.

Every morning, my husband and I have a hard time coaxing him to get out of bed. When we do manage to, he kicks up a big fuss about eating his breakfast and getting changed into his school uniform. He cries when he has to leave home.

It is heartbreaking to see him beg me not to 'force' him to go to school.

My husband and I usually manage to sweet-talk him into getting in the car and on the way to school, he even laughs and jokes. But the moment he sees the school building, he shakes his head and refuses to go in. We have to carry or drag him in.

I have asked him why he does not want to go to school and he told me that his teacher scolded him for handing in untidy work. A few days later, he complained that the school bus driver scolded him.

I have spoken to his teachers who say he is fine during lessons. When I suggested that we change his school bus and school, he said he did not want to.

Should I transfer him to a different school anyway or should I leave him be?

- Madam Diana Lim (via e-mail)

Ed: Your child is a wuss. Simple as that. Chloroform his ass, place him in a cardboard box, masking tape the opening, and leave him somewhere on the PIE. Trust me. You'll be alot better off.

It's really sad that i have to do this.

READ THIS BEFORE YOU CONTUNUE. The material on this blog, “nothing-in-writing” (here forth referred to as ‘said blog’) is the writer’s personal opinion and views. Said material does not convey the feelings of the writer. Said blog is for satirical purposes only. Characters and situations mentioned in said blog is entirely fictional. Any resemblance to any person living or dead, any situation from past or present, or any institution is coincidental, and was not intentional on the author’s part. No piece of information or view or opinion on said blog should be taken seriously. The writer is not responsible for any loss/ damage to property, injury or death to lives, or the injury of a person either mentally, physically, or spiritually, arising from the material /information/ opinions on said blog. All fake characters have had their had their names changes to pseudonyms to protect their fake identity from themselves.

That's a pretty air-tight disclaimer.
You'll have to take my word for it that it's true. And it is. Here's why i had to do it,( it is not true) *wink wink* (see discalimer):
A friend of mine, let's call him X, started a blog of his own. It was a blog just for fun. Nothing serious. On it was a couple of his opinions and views. the cotent was rather...extremist. It was about people being sub-humans, and had your usual Nazi slogans like Sieg Heil and also Communist ideals. It was funny, if not slightly disturbing and scary. Kinda reminded me or Eric Harris' web site too be honest. But it was just for fun . Nothing serious.
Then it happended. Some guy that had a stick stuck so far up his ass (see disclaimer) decided to report his blog to Big Brother. And Big Brother wasn't Happy. BB then sent an angry telegraph to the Insituition, and the Instituition sent the swiss-army knife to shut his blog down.
It's a story about free-speech being restricted, ladies and gentlement, and it was none of their goddamn business in the first place (see disclaimer).
How deep does this free-speech restricting rabbit-hole go? Quiet far, actually. I have received reports that FT's are actually looking through their charges' blogs, to ensure nothing "unpleasant" is afoot.
Which is pretty ridiculous. What we do in our own free time is none of your business, and forcing us to 'get along' and 'play nice' isn't going to work.
There's a chance that this blog might get shut down too, but with my kick-ass disclaimer, that's pretty unlikely.